I Am Not a Republican - Not Much, That Is!

I am: 10% Republican.

"You're a tax-and-spend liberal democrat. People like you are the reason everyone else votes for guys like Reagan or George W."

Are You A Republican?

Discernment? No, but ...

We all go through peaks and valleys. I'm in a valley now, at a low point. I don't think I'm bipolar, though it definitely runs in my family. But I'm usually either up or down, with little middle. A little middle would be good. These extremes wear me out.

Not that I'm depressed right now, or what I would consider depressed. No, depressed (in my world) means can't get out of bed, doesn't want to go on. That's not where I am. I'm out, but I'm not enjoying life. Maybe this is related to the fact that I'm changing my eating habits, and I don't have those trips to McDonald's to cheer me up. There's nothing like a Big Mac to take the edge off realizing your life is hopeless. Nope, I'm actually having to live with myself, which is the equivalent of being one of those animals that chews off its own tail.

The good news about these valley periods is that they usually coincide with some introspective thinking about my life. The bad news is that when I hit the peak again, I tend to be so "high" that I lose sight of the future--I'm so focused on being up, that's all I can think of.

What does this have to do with discernment? Probably nothing. Discernment is a process of determining whether one has a "calling" to the church. I wish I did...I would like to have a richer spiritual life, but I think I'm destined to be on the edge, not in the middle of the religious life. But I'm ready to "discern" what I want to do with the rest of my life.

I am wondering what the heck I'm going to do--hypothetically I've got 35-40 years, but realistically probably 25-30 years, maybe 25 years of time I can really expect to contribute something to society.

I spent the first two-third of my life (note that I'm planning for an age of at least 90!) in pretty self-indulgent ways. Even when I was raising my kids, and concentrating on them and my family, I was pretty self-directed. And by that I mean self to include me and mine--not the outside world.

Now I'd like to find a way to contribute something to someone. I don't want to get to the end wishing I'd done something meaninful with these few years we're given. And, while I can get all excited about the thought of devoting my life to some missionary life of charity, it's probably not too realistic. I have no savings, and will probably have to work for the rest of my life.

And, as much as I'd like to be that type of person, I'm not the type that's going to give up family, house, possessions to go live among the poor. That's a picture that I'd like to have of myself, but it's not a true picture. I'm fairly selfish, and, as I said, self-indulgent.

Still, I would like to find a way to make more of a contribution. And I'm not quite sure what that means. I'm praying hard right now to find what God wants from me.

I've always thought I would make a good teacher. I'd love to teach reading...to transmit to others the world that books open up. But I'm not trained to teach. I checked online last night--a Master's in education from Phoenix Online would cost me $26,000+. I just don't have it. Is there another way to teach reading without that master's degree?

Or ESL. Could I find a way to get a certificate that would enable me to help someone?

I'm going to check out Hands On Atlanta. Maybe there are some thoughts there.