Burned Out?

I have always fought the idea that I might be depressed. I grew up in a family marked by mental illness -- my mother and her father both suffered from it -- and at least one of my family members (and several, if we're being honest about it) take antidepressants. So I could be excused if I claimed that depression is the cause of my general screwedupedness. But I fight the concept, while secretly wishing there was a magic substance that might cure it all and make me normal, successful, happy.

Depression connotes some chemical imbalance, something that's up that should be down. A frailty, if you like. An excuse, even. And it connotes my mother. Not to pick on her, but her battle with mental illness, diagnosed in the 50's as paranoid schizophrenia and treated with an ever-changing string of drugs, impacted every aspect of her life, and that of my family. So I'm not complaining, just saying I'm not anxious to align myself with that particular trick of DNA if I don't have to.

But, on the other hand, if I'm not clinically depressed, there's just no way around it --I 'm just a fuckup, apparently. I'm almost 60, with a long history of just general what-were-you-thinking behavior paired with well-you-didn't-do-that-either-did-you?. And no excuse for it. Well, for awhile I could blame it on drinking, but I haven't had a drink in over 20 years (it will be 21 on January 11, God willing and the creek don't rise), so that's out.

So imagine my glee to see on the Today show last week that what I have is Burnout. Burnout -- so innocent sounding, but obviously potentially devastating. So, a little research. From one website (one offering a cure, needless to say):

- Chronic fatigue - exhaustion, tiredness, a sense of being physically run down
- Anger at those making demands (well, duh!)
- Self-criticism for putting up with the demands (oh, yeah)
- Cynicism, negativity, and irritability
- A sense of being besieged
- Exploding easily at seemingly inconsequential things (what the hell are you talking about!)
- Frequent headaches and gastrointestinal disturbances
- Weight loss or gain
- Sleeplessness and depression
- Shortness of breath
- Suspiciousness
- Feelings of helplessness
- Increased degree of risk taking

(From www.assessment.com - no association or endorsement, just trying to avoid a copyright complaint)

So, I score 100%, although to be perfectly honest, I think the weight gain and shortness of breath might be related to too much fast food and not enough exercise. But I definitely have the feelings of helplessness and being besieged.

Here's another definition from another website (also a self-help for a price site) and a quote:

"According to Herbert J. Freudenberger, the New York psychologist who coined the term in 1972, burnout describes a specific condition. It is an emotional state characterized by an overwhelming and enduring feeling of exhaustion or aggravation. Burnout is a condition that develops gradually as the person's creativity and effectiveness erode into fatigue, skepticism and an inability to function productively."

"An overburdened, over-stretched executive is the best executive, because he or she doesn't have the time to meddle, to deal in trivia, to bother people."~ Jack Welch ~

(From www.coachtree.com - ditto to above comment)

Well, the Welch quote is probably relevant because work lately hasn't been very fun, and our executives are Welch-enthusiasts. I love my job, but we're stretched tighter and tighter as we cut costs (and headcount). This year, even our performance review templates mention it -- something like, " have you communicated our company vision to your employees, reminding them that we've raised the bar, again?"

Yup, we've raised the bar again. We're doing more with less, honing processes to be more cost-effective and more productive, cutting costs. We don't want our customers to feel the pinch, and they shouldn't, but it does put pressure on the employees. This year was pretty tough. My group's goals were high -- but no higher than other similar groups -- and we cut costs, including resources, tools, and travel. We made about 75% of our goals, plus completed two or three major goals that weren't even contemplated when the goals were identified. But there's a little added stress, because ...

I'm going to be rated on meeting those goals, and I didn't. And that's stressful. And the coming year will be even tighter, assuming that I'm not one of the headcount that gets cut. Add to that the stress of some housing and money-related issues we're facing right now, the health-related issues I've had this year, and the stress of family issues, and, yes, I'm burned out.

So it's nice to have a diagnosis. Now, the question is, what next?