Performance Reviews

We're in the middle of our annual performance review period at work. Once a year we formally review every employee's performance, putting down on paper all the coaching and conversations we've had over the year. This has a couple of purposes: First, it's just a part of good people management, I guess, to review how the year went and to look toward the next year. And, in our company at least, one's "rating" relates to the pay increase percentage that will be recommended for the coming year.

So, let's review (a little performance appraisal humor here). Talk about the year, what went right, what could have gone better, where we're going next year. Make sure everyone's on track. Whether this is a joyful or a tearful exercise depends on a lot of things, including the employee's self-esteem, the manager's skill and empathy, and how well you managed the things under your control and not.

Yesterday I gave two reviews (one still left to give today) and got mine. Two of the exercises didn't go as planned. Interesting.

First, my review. I had a pretty good year - very stressful, very full, mostly successful. I figured I would be rated "meets expectations," a solid C. (I would have rated myself higher, but my boss is a very tough grader.) Anyway, the ratings at The Big Corporation are (1) Exceeds all expectations - walks on water, cures cancer, makes the dead walk; (2) Exceeds most expectations - we hired her to cure cancer and she cured muscular dystrophy too; (3) Meets expectations - she said she could cure cancer and she did; (4) Meets most expectations - she said she could cure cancer, she was only able to cure acne, but she did it; and (5) Needs improvement - she's outta here as soon as we can figure out how to document it properly and find a box for all her stuff.

My manager started the meeting by re-visiting 2003, when I was doing a new job for which I was mostly unqualified and it wasn't going well. The lowest point in my time at TBC. His point yesterday was to demonstrate to me how far I'd come since then. That year was a tough one, but I've been pretty successful since then - big promotion to director, all that. But when he started to talk about that period yesterday, I was not a happy bear. It was like reliving that day in junior high when the big boys pushed you up against the lockers and pulled down your boxers in front of the cheerleaders. (Well, that never happened, but you know what I mean - I just didn't need to go there again!)

Then he went on to say, "well, golleeeee (southern for "who knew she wouldn't laugh?"), I thought you'd enjoy that walk down memory lane." Uh, no. And, no. Then he went on to give me my review - a solid "meets expectations." Exceeded some expectations, no big problems, missed one objective, but accomplished two or three that weren't planned. So, about what I expected.

Okay, on to the ones I delivered. First, new guy, just started. "Meets expectations" - you've been here 90 days, you've done some good things, you've still got a lot to learn about the company culture, you're on track to have a great year. No problem.

Then, somewhat newer guy - here about 13 months. I had to fight like a mother tiger to get my manager to approve "exceeds most expectations" for this guy. He had a hell of a year - not completely perfect, but he brought a lot to the company. One little hiccup that I pointed out, but no big deal. My manager is kind of old school and he thinks that there's no way you can exceed expectations in your first year on a new job, but this guy did - he really did. And I battled like a Viking for this guy and was SOOOO excited to give him his review. And ... he cried. Copiously. Because I had said he wasn't perfect, that he had an opportunity to improve. And how could that be - he had to be perfect. We were together until 7:30 in my office, and I still don't think he got it, but at least he left, clutching his tissues.

And it got me reflecting about what our expectations for ourselves are. Today (completely coincidentally) marks the 21st anniversary of my sobriety. On January 10, 1986, I had my last drink (I hope) and on January 11 I joined AA. So, a big day in a lot of ways, and yet, I've had 20 of them that were more significant just because it's such a fricking miracle to make that first one, and then after 21, it's easy to forget how tough the first year was. So, from one point of view in my life, today I'm a success.

But the real fact is that we grade ourselves so hard in this life. Performance at work is certainly important, especially when it relates to dollars in your pocket, but it's only a piece of the big picture. The employee who took my review so hard is a genuinely good person, a great father, a loving husband, son and sibling. Why should my review ding his self-esteem? It's only one piece of the puzzle.

But we allow how others see us to affect our own views of ourselves. And, for all I know, I might be crazy, and my view of that employee totally off the wall, bullshit, crapola. I'm trying not to let my view of myself be impacted by my boss' view. I'd rather see my "solid C" performance, which I still think should have been a B at least, as just one piece of my total being. Far more important is how am I viewed by my daughters, my granddaughters, the semi-spouse, the pugs, my friends, the knitting guild members I serve. (And I keep bribing the pugs with treats, because I can.)

Trying to keep it all in perspective, one day at a time.